Sometimes I Wish I Could Save You
by A. Zap
Summary: Dean can't help but be surprised by the state Cas is in when he finds him lying down in the middle of the road. He takes him back to the Bunker and cleans him up, but he hates seeing him like this. Dean wishes that for once he could save the angel. After 8x21 "The Great Escapist." Hints of Destiel.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. After all, Destiel is canon and there aren't more hints of Sabriel.**

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Sometimes I Wish I Could Save You

The engine of the Impala roared as it rolled down the highway. Dean's grip on the steering wheel tightened as he glanced over at Sam. His brother still looked like crap and what they had just learned was not really helping Dean's mood.

"Cure a demon?" Dean said once again, incredulous. "Okay, ignoring the fact that I have no idea what that actually means, if we – if we do this, you get better, right? I mean, you stop trying to cough up a lung, and, and, and bumping into furniture?"

God, Dean really hoped so. It was killing him to see his little brother like this. It should have been him. This whole situation was his fault, and now his brother was sending out 'I'm going to die' vibes like there was no tomorrow.

He tried to shake the thought away.

"I feel better, yeah, just having a direction to move in." Sam said, as if that was some consolation.

Considering how crappy he looked, Dean wasn't reassured.

"Well, good, cause where we're headed doesn't sound like a picnic." Dean couldn't help putting a bit of sarcasm in his voice, because, really? Cure a demon? Was God on crack or something when he had Metatron write this stuff up?

Besides, Dean wasn't sure how much they could trust this Metatron. Sure the guy had been helpful, but the Winchesters had a whole list of experiences to prove that angels weren't to be trusted. After all, that Naomi chick was also trying to get in their good graces, but given that Cas had basically said that she had forced him to go Rambo on him, he wasn't sure he could trust her. And this Metatron guy? He had been hiding out all of these years and that just spoke of suspicious.

Though he had been great in revealing what was needed for the trial and saving Kevin, Dean could admit that.

Speaking of angels, where was Cas now? Why did he have to run? Despite what Naomi had said, Dean got the feeling that Cas hadn't wanted to do it. The way in between blows he had reeled back asking what had been done to him and the heartbroken expression on his face as he had healed Dean's wounds were enough to convince the hunter. Yet now he had no clue where the angel was and he couldn't help but worry.

He also felt a bit hurt that Cas hadn't trusted him enough to stay with the tablet.

Wait, Sam was talking again.

Dean glanced over at his brother. "But we are heading somewhere: the end." Sam said.

Dean tried to withhold a snort at that. After all, it was an end, but what kind? He looked forward and hit the brakes at the sight of what looked like a figure lying across the road.

As the Impala came to an abrupt halt, Dean could only stare in shock as he could clearly see who it was.

Castiel was lying, bloody and hurt across the road. His arm had come up a bit to protect his head as he braced for impact. It came down as both Dean and Sam popped open the doors and jumped out.

Dean couldn't believe that he was really here, despite the injuries. After all, he had just been thinking about the angel. It was quite the coincidence. "Cas?" He asked hesitantly.

The angel looked at them, and struggled to get up. "A little help here?" His voice was even lower and gruffer than normal. Dean's heart clenched a bit at the pain that was evident in Cas's voice.

"Dean?" Sam glanced over at him. His eyes were asking what they should do, especially considering how they last saw the angel.

Dean took a breath and pulled himself together. He resolutely walked over to Cas. "Can you stand if I help you?" He asked quietly.

Cas grunted and Dean could see his hand clasped over stomach, where blood was still leaking out. The hunter looked at it worriedly. He had never seen the angel really bleed unless an angel blade had been involved or he was low on power.

"I don't think so." Castiel admitted just as quietly.

Dean frowned. That wasn't good, especially as normally the angel would rather die than admit to any weakness. He glanced back at Sam who was still watching warily from the Impala. "Open up the back door." He shouted as he bent down. Trying to be a gentle as possible, he picked Cas up bridal style.

Cas gave a pained gasp at the movement. His free hand came up to grasp at Dean's jacket. The look of pain on the angel's face tore him up inside, but he turned his gaze forward and quickly carried him to the car. Sam swung the door open as far as it would go in order to give Dean as much room as possible to slide Cas's body into the back seat. Another pained sound escaped Cas's lips as he was set down.

"You good?" Dean asked as he straightened up. He glanced over the angel. The stomach was definitely the source of most of the blood and Cas was still trying to put pressure on it. Besides that, there were also bruises and scratches on his face. All in all, it didn't look great.

Cas blinked a bit. "I'm getting blood on your upholstery." His voice was slightly confused, and his brow furrowed to match his tone. "You told me not to do that."

Dean blinked at the unexpected reply. He huffed out a laugh and exchanged a glance with Sam. He too looked a bit relieved. After all, if Cas had enough energy to grouse like that, then he was probably fine for the moment. "I'll allow it this time, but don't make a habit of it."

He shut the door, and began to move back towards the driver's seat.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was low as he stopped just before opening the door. The hunter looked up at his brother. "Are we taking him back to the Bunker?" He gave a nervous glance towards the backseat. "What if he's still compromised?"

Dean gulped. That honestly hadn't occurred to him. It was obvious that someone had managed to get to him. What if they revealed the secret hideout?

He pursed his lips. Actually, if someone did come after Cas, it might be a good opportunity. "Doesn't matter, because we're taking him there." He answered Sam. "And if someone comes after him, then it'll be the perfect opportunity to kick their ass."

If Crowley showed up, they'd have a demon for whatever they had to do to cure one. If Naomi showed up, it'd prove that she was full of crap. Either way, they'd be in the perfect place to get ganked.

Sam nodded in understanding and got in. Dean waited a moment. Remembering what happened before they had gone after the tablet, he really hoped Cas hadn't heard that. As he got in, he figured that the angel hadn't considering that his eyes were closed in pain and he was breathing heavily. The hunter wished that there was something that he could say in order to help the angel feel better, but he really didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound like a chick flick moment.

Instead, he turned the key and drove in the direction of the Bunker.

It was silent for a while, as he didn't bother turning on the radio like he usually would, and it was heavy, weighing down on all of them. A glance in the rearview mirror showed that Cas hadn't moved since being put down, but he could still hear his wavering breaths. That wasn't as reassuring as he had thought it would be as he never had found out if angels actually needed to breathe.

"Why are you bleeding?" Dean finally asked, quickly getting tired of the silence.

"I was shot." Cas's voice was quiet. Dean couldn't ever remember him yelling or anything, but this was practically a whisper. It was unnerving.

"Shot?" Sam's face wrinkled in confusion and Dean knew his expression was probably a mirror. Bullets had never fazed the angel before. "But it's not like they really hurt you."

"It does when the bullet is made from an angel blade," came Cas's gruff reply. "And then the wound wasn't large enough so Crowley first stretched it and then ripped the flesh open across my abdomen."

Dean froze. _Angel blade bullets?_ It was actually a genius idea, and he couldn't help but wonder why it had never occurred to them before. Well, besides the fact that he had no clue what could melt down angel blades. Then the statement fully registered.

"Crowley did this to you?" He asked to make sure. "How the hell did he find you?"

"He didn't." Cas said, defensively. "Naomi found me, and he found Naomi."

Dean did a double take. "That bitch _Naomi_ found you?" He found that hard to believe. After all, if Cas had managed to avoid the Heavenly Host during the Apocalypse on low power, then shouldn't he be able to avoid them well enough now.

"I came up with a plan. I was avoiding her by superimposing myself in all of the Turdunken shops." Cas sighed. "That used a lot of power, which is probably why I'm now having difficulty."

Dean's mind blanked out for a moment. Why did that sound familiar? Oh, wait…

"You mean, Biggerson's?" Sam asked, obviously following Dean's line of thought.

"Yes."

Dean blinked, and tried to figure out what Cas had meant by superimposing. It sounded like something he had heard about in a sci-fi show before. "So, you were like in a bunch of them at the same time?" He tried to make sure he was following this.

"Yes." Somehow, Dean could sense the angel's subtle smile of pride that he had gotten that. "So, Naomi…" Cas paused. "She killed all of the people in one of the restaurants, knowing that I would stop."

 _So Cas would stop in order to try and save them._ Dean thought in growing horror at Naomi's actions, though it was obvious how well she knew the angel. It just proved that Naomi couldn't be as trustworthy as she was trying to make herself.

"So her stooges probably gave you a working over." Dean concluded. "Then, Crowley showed up?"

"Yes, it appears that he has hired some angels to keep him informed." Cas sounded disappointed. Dean couldn't help but suppress a snort because it was kind of hypocritical of the angel to be disappointed in someone working with Crowley. Then again, Cas hadn't really been getting paid for his trouble, and it had backfired on all of them in the end.

"Cas, do you still have a bullet in you? Do you need us to dig it out?" Sam asked, full of girly concern.

"No, I dug it out and shoved it into the eye of the angel Crowley left guarding me." Cas said matter-of-factly.

Silence fell. Dean kind of wanted to glance at his brother to see his reaction, but he couldn't bring himself to look away from the road.

That was probably the most badass thing Dean had ever heard. He couldn't even imagine how much that would have hurt and to get it right in the eye would have taken some major skills. Dean was suitably impressed.

"Of course, I was only successful with that due to the fact that Crowley had been called away." Cas's voice had taken on a more contemplative tone.

"I see." Sam said, and he glanced at Dean to show they were thinking the same thing. Kevin's escape had given Cas a large enough window to get out of there himself.

"How did you wind up in the middle of the road?" Dean asked. After all, given his wounds, he probably hadn't been able to get far.

"I knew that I could find refuge with you, so I sought you out and I sensed Dean somewhere around here. Going by the speed, I assumed you were in the Impala and aimed for the backseat…" Cas's voice trailed off and Dean heard him shift a bit. "I missed." He said quietly.

"Yeah, well, you were under quite a bit of pressure." Dean tried to make light of the situation. He wasn't even making himself feel better.

"Dean…" Something in Dean stood up at attention in warning at his tone. "How much blood loss is considered acceptable? In humans at least?"

Alarm bells were going off in Dean's head. He pushed a bit harder on the gas as the car blasted past the sign saying that Lebanon was just ahead. "We're almost back. Just hold tight." He ignored answering the question, because he probably wouldn't like the answer Cas would give in reponse.

"Alright." The reply was soft and a glance in the mirror showed Cas adjusting his hands to put better pressure on the injury.

It wasn't long before they were pulling up in front of the Bunker. Sam got up and unlocked the door and looked back. Dean knew from his expression exactly what he was going to ask.

"I got this. You go to bed." Sam looked like he was about to protest. "Now. You hardly look like you can lift a burger, much less an angel."

His brother threw him a bitch face at that, but did as he asked, leaving the door open so Dean wouldn't have to deal with that while carrying Cas.

Dean sighed as he shut his door. He then opened the door closest to the Bunker, where Cas's head was. The angel's eyes were shut and his breaths were still unsteady. "Hey," Dean tapped the side of his face. "Wake up."

Castiel moaned a bit, but his eyes groggily opened. Dean didn't like how out of it he was. It was similar to how he was after traveling through time during the Apocalypse. Right before he collapse with blood dripping from his nose. In other words, this was not good. "Dean." His name came softly from the angel's lips.

"Come on. Let's get you inside." Dean once again picked the angel up. It wasn't as hard as he had thought it would be. He knew the angel's vessel was a skinny guy, but he would have thought that he would weigh a bit more. If Cas wasn't an angel, he would have thought that his weight was unhealthy.

Actually, looking past the wounds, Cas didn't seem all that great in the first place. His hair was even messier than usual and greasy looking. The bags under his eyes were even bigger than normal. He actually looked like he was on the run, which hadn't occurred even during the Apocalypse. Obviously, staying off Heaven's radar had taken a lot more time and energy this time.

Dean was proud of how he managed to wrangle his way not only into the Bunker, but open the doorway to one of the bedrooms as well. He set Cas down on the bed in the room, not a memory foam one but one of those pillow top ones because Dean had thought he would prefer it. This was the bedroom that Dean had instantly thought of giving to the angel when they had started settling down. It had some nice bookshelves, a desk, a bed, and a couple of bedside tables but not much else. He had figured the angel could decorate it before everything had happened.

Dean looked down at Cas. _Well, he's finally was here_ , he guessed.

He hadn't wanted it to be like this though.

Dean sighed. It always seemed like whenever Cas left the Winchesters he returned in even worse shape. This was just one in a large line of examples.

"Cas?" He shook the angel gently, noticing that his eyes had shut again. Cas forced his eyes open. "I'm going to get the kit and then I have to look at wounds."

"Alright." It worried Dean how passive the angel was being. It simply wasn't normal.

He hurried to get the kit as quickly as possible. He did stick his head into Sam's room to make sure the kid was asleep, and was glad to see that he had been listened to for once. Then, he returned to Cas's side.

"Okay, Cas, let's see the damage." Dean ignored how weird it was to be doing this because it was necessary, and he began to unbutton and peel back Castiel's clothes.

He paled a bit when he saw the actual wound. In his kind of life, he had seen lots of injuries. There had been plenty of times when he and Sam had had to patch each other up. There was also the often grisly damage that the supernatural would leave on their victims, and that was never good. This was not like anything he had seen before though and it was bad.

There was the bullet wound in the lower, right quarter of Cas's stomach, and it had been stretched wide first by Crowley's hand and then Cas digging out the bullet. It was the wound extending from the bullet that made Dean want to flinch back. It almost looked like someone tried to fillet Cas like a fish, except it wasn't done with a knife. The edges were jagged as if it had just been ripped open. Dean knew that they usually had a policy of just letting Cas deal with his injuries, but he had to help with this. Given what the angel had said, his mojo wasn't up to par and the hunter could only see some slight traces of Grace trying to fix the damage.

"This is going to hurt." Dean warned, and he could see Cas gulp a bit at that. Still, there were no protests, so Dean opened the kit and got to work cleaning and suturing the wound.

As he was working, he couldn't help but ask. "Why did Crowley do this?"

"Hmm?" Cas asked, still out of it.

"Crowley, why did he do this?" Dean gestured towards the wound. "I know he can be a sadistic bastard at times, but this? The other thing that's a guarantee is that he always has a reason, and he does everything to further his own agenda. So?"

Cas took a moment, and the hunter was unsure if he had even heard him. Then, he spoke. "I needed to keep the tablet safe, and I knew that it was what fully purged Naomi from his mind. I had to keep it close. Naomi didn't guess where I had hidden it, but this was the first place that occurred to Crowley. Then, he retrieved it."

Dean paused. "Are you telling me that you hid the tablet in your stomach? And now, Crowley has it?"

"Correct." Cas gave a grunt of pain as Dean tugged a bit to hard. "On both accounts."

Dean took that in. He knew he would probably be angry later, both at Crowley for doing this and at Cas for losing the tablet, but for now, he would focus on helping the angel.

He could almost understand why Cas wasn't healing up like he usually did. The strain of having a rock in his stomach combined with using his mojo to avoid Naomi had probably stretched him to his limit. Then, he'd gotten shot with a bullet that could actually affect him. Crowley had obviously not been gentle in taking out the tablet as well. All in all, it meant that Cas was in a crappy state.

"I'm sorry." The apology was soft, but Dean heard it loud and clear. The sorrow and guilt in Cas's voice nearly broke Dean's heart. Still, he shoved it to the side, because he really didn't need that right now.

"It's fine." Dean said roughly. He managed to finish the last stitch, and he grabbed the bandages to wrap him up.

"No, it's not." Castiel's eyes began to shut, and Dean knew that it wouldn't be long before Cas was in all out Mr. Comatose mode.

"Well, yeah." Dean finished up, and put stuff back in the first aid kit. "But it's what we got." He said bitterly. After all, things were never truly okay with them, but the only thing they could do was keep going forward.

Dean made to get up and leave when something caught his wrist. He looked down to see Cas's hand wrapped around his wrist, keeping him there. Confused, he looked up into Cas's face to see what the problem was. He was surprised at the fear in Cas's now wide eyes. It was familiar, and Dean realized it was the same fear that had been in the angel's features after he had been dragged to Bible Boot Camp. Only the fear he showed now was so much greater than it had been at that time.

"Don't let Naomi find me." Cas said, and it was almost a plea.

"I won't." Dean promised, and he meant it. If Cas was that afraid of her, it was probably for good reason. He had never seen Cas so scared except for when they went to that brothel, and not even Boot Camp had topped that, though that had caused a different type of fear.

"You can't let her fix me." Cas insisted. "I can't – I don't – " He struggled with his words, which was something new. "I don't want to kill you."

Dean blinked. There were so many things wrong with what Cas had said. What did he mean by her fixing him? And explicitly saying he didn't wan tot kill him? Obviously, Naomi had been lying about him misinterpreting orders.

"What do you mean?" He asked for clarification. He knew the angel would get what he was asking about.

"She said that I'm the spanner in the works, broken. That I never did what I was told." The grip tightened a bit. "She said she was fixing me. That she had done this many times before." Though his tone hadn't changed, his eyes were pleading with him. "Don't take me to her."

"Okay." Dean agreed, though he could feel anger bubbling down in his core.

If he had an opportunity, he was going to stab that bitch Naomi in the face. No one did this kind of crap to his best friend. No one made his best friend so completely terrified of something. No one made his best friend think that he needed to be fixed when there was nothing wrong with him.

"I'll take care you. I won't let Naomi get you." Dean vowed.

The gratefulness in Cas's eyes made Dean's heart ache. "Thank you." He whispered. Then, the angel's eyes fluttered shut and he finally lost consciousness.

The grip on his wrist loosened and fell away. For a moment, Dean could only stand there and look down at Cas. His own hands gripped the kit a bit tighter.

He hated this.

Castiel had always been the one to save him. Even when his methods weren't the best, such as his deal with Crowley, his goal more than anything else was to keep him and his brother safe. Therefore, Dean had always been able to rely on the fact that the angel would be fine. Of course, not doing anything when it seemed that Cas needed saving was what had lead to the Leviathans being released and to this whole business with Naomi.

Cas could and would save him, but it seemed that Dean couldn't return the favor. He hated that, because he was supposed to be the protector. And he wanted to, he really did. He wished that he could save Cas. Not only that, there were so many things that he wanted to tell the angel, but it simply was never the right time. It probably never would be. And part of him was grateful, because he probably wasn't ready to say them yet.

It wasn't like he was going to give up, but it was so hard when it seemed like everything was going against all three of them.

Dean turned away and put the kit away. His emotions were all over the place, and he knew that he would probably have to sort them out later. Still, he pushed them away because they really wouldn't help. Then, he settled in for a long night of checking on both his brother and his angel.

He might not be able to save them at this time, but he could stay by their side and keep them going as long as possible.

And who knew what tomorrow would bring?

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 _AN: Of course, by the next morning, Dean's feelings had settled on perpetually pissed off, which just made things worse between him and Cas. This is just my take on what happened after the end of "The Great Escapist." If this were right though, i think that the reason that Dean decided to listen to Naomi later, and stopped Cas from rightfully stabbing her, was due to the fact that Sam's life was potentially on the line. Still, I think that I have a good point in that Cas always saves Dean and/or Sam, or dies/gets injured trying, while Dean never does. Heck, by our point in the timeline, I think Sam has even saved him once. That would bug the crap out of Dean. The title and themes of this story were inspired by the song, "Save You" by Simple Plan. I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you next time._


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